Adam Listens to a Self Help Book

At one point, in an early draft of the book, I wanted Adam to have some ‘self reflection time,’ And, of course, I wanted it to be another failed effort. So, on the walk to the coffee shop on the morning of what should have been his anniversary with Trevor, Adam goes for a walk.

The scene originally came right before a run-in with Tess. It didn’t make it into the manuscript because it didn’t really drive the story forward, but I still think it’s a fun moment.

Adam opens the front door of the inn and is met with a burst of air so crisp and cold that it makes the skin on his freshly scrubbed, moisturized, and sun-screened face contract. His initial instinct is to scurry back into the house and hide under a blanket, but his feeling of claustrophobia and need for coffee are too strong. So, he pushes on, blinking rapidly against the bright morning sun.

He puts in his earphones as he walks down the driveway, and presses play on a carefully selected audiobook. As he walks across the front of the inn and down the long driveway, he hears a familiar chime on his phone. Looking down at his screen, he sees a banner alert - an email from Wren Starkey. Another one. He knows he should check them soon, maybe even reply and put her out of her misery, but today isn’t that day. Today is about self-care. So he focuses on the soothing sounds of a well practiced reader. 

“You're listening to ‘Starting Over,’ by Janet Maxwell, read by Janet Maxwell. Produced for Gravenhurst Audio, a division of Gravenhurst Publishing, a subsidiary of the Gravenhurst Group. Chapter One — Alone Again, Naturally.”

It might be too soon to be listening to an audiobook published his former employer, but he hadn’t been removed from the mailing list for their advanced listener copies and when the title had appeared in his inbox, it had seemed like fate. With the sun beating down on his face, and the bracing air filling his lungs, Adam opens himself up to the kind of healing and growth that he has heard is possible when one truly commits oneself to… oneself, or whatever.

He. Is. Ready.

There is another musical interlude, and Janet Maxwell's smooth, knowing voice fills his ears again. “Foreword. Since the dawn of time —”

Adam fumbles with his phone screen to skip ahead. That was just a blip, he’s sure. He’s heard great things about this book. And, having worked in publishing for so long, he knows that the introduction, especially in these types of books, is often over the top, filled with sweeping generalizations and promises designed to catch the imaginations of people standing in bookstores, flipping through the first few pages to decide if they will embark on this particular healing journey. And he will embark on this journey… starting with the first chapter.

There is a brief silence, and the voice begins again.

“Chapter One — The Great Mystery. If you're lucky, as I've been, you've seen the seven wonders of the world. But many of us never take the time to explore the greatest wonder of all: Ourselves.”

Adam groans and presses pause. He reaches the end of the driveway and turns left onto the sidewalk that winds its way into the downtown. As he moves along the quiet street, he can’t help but notice that it’s a beautiful day - sunlight sparkling on the snow that dusts every surface. A right onto Elm Street reveals a stretch of tidy homes in full Christmas regalia - candy canes line walkways, multicoloured Christmas lights edge rooflines and windows, and there are wreaths on every door. Exactly the kind of wreaths Adam had been forced to sell as part of Middle and High School fundraising contests in the hopes of winning a stuffed animal or a cheap skateboard which he would never have used even if he had won (which he hadn’t).

He skips ahead to Chapter Two and presses play. Sure that, by this point in the book, Janet Maxwell will have dispensed with hyperbole and sweeping platitudes.

“Chapter Two - The Work of Healing.”

“Okay. Now we’re getting somewhere,” Adam says as he turns left onto Main Street, at the very edge of downtown. He lifts his chin, his face like a flower angling towards the sun. He is ready to be healed. Janet Maxwell continues.

“Work is work. And work is hard. If it weren’t hard, I would have named this chapter ‘The PLAY of healing.’”

"Oh no. Bad!" Adam says out loud. He skips ahead again, this time pressing the screen of his phone several times before landing on a random chapter.

"Chapter Nine — Forgiveness. Have you ever really looked at the word forgiveness? What's that? Right there in the middle?  Oh, it's our old friend 'give.' because forgiveness is something we give our—"

"Okay. That's enough of that!" He tears his earphones out of his ears and jams them into his coat pocket decisively.

Despite the disappointment he feels at not being completely healed by his brief foray into self-help, Adam feels his shoulders drop with relief when he spots the bright yellow frontage of The Sunflower Cafe up ahead. 

Then, he hears a voice that has potential to ruin his whole day.